What not to say to a White mom of a black child

There is nothing so obvious or fascinating it seems as a transracial family.  Strangers feel the freedom to come up and comment on your family.  Here are some common comments that need to have more thought.

You are such a good person.  This is generally in support of their decision to adopt, but it makes the child seem like a burden.  It gives the vibe that they are doing something that most people would not do, like bring a black person into their home.  Some people go even further and say the child is lucky to be in such a good family.  When a baby is born into a family people say the parents are lucky to have such a beautiful baby.  That is the direction luck is flowing.  I am lucky to have my children, not the other way around.

Do you worry about your other children?  The color of the child’s skin does not make them more of a threat.  Even if the child comes from a rough background, the parent knows.  They made the decision to bring this child into their home, so they must feel it is right for every person in their family.

Are they good at sports/dancing?  This is just a stereotype. We never know if any of our children will be athletic or coordinated.  Just like a Chinese child will not always be good at math.  Get to know the child for who they are without assuming anything.

We should all be colorblind.  I want to celebrate the differences in my family because we are not the same.  My black children have struggles in this world that my white children do not.  The world is not colorblind and therefore I will not stick my head in the sand and pretend racism doesn’t exist.  My black children have beautiful skin and I want to notice and praise it.   We should all be valued, not colorblind.

I do love the phrase “You have such a beautiful family!”  Stick with that one.

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